How to Really Help

Listening to Julia Louis Dreyfus’ podcast this morning, I heard this quote from the great writer, Anne Lamott.

She was talking about her son, how much she always wanted to help him... how responsible she felt for his life and everything that was happening in it.

She herself had been an addict when she was young, and now her son was living through the same thing.  He was having a child and she believed strongly that the most important thing he could do was get sober.

She wanted to help him… and she was sure she knew exactly what he needed.  She said, “I’m sure you’re not this way with your children, but I think I have excellent ideas for them.  In ALL areas of their life.” 

What actually works is that you show up and you sit with them and you are willing to feel like crap with them… and you don’t try to get them to feel any better than they do… no matter how long it takes.

“I get it” “Me too” “I’ve been there” “Can I get you a cup of tea?”  “Do you want to put your feet up in my lap?” 

Just being there, with no agenda to help… that’s the best we can offer another human being.  

I am not the authority in your life.  I am not smarter than you… how could I be?  

Only YOU know what it is to be you, living this human experience, at this time in history.

It might be one of the hardest things in life to sit with someone as they suffer, and just be there with them as they have their experience.  

Our minds race to solve it for them. 

We consider all the possible actions they could take.

Imagine someone carrying something heavy, and you come along and grab the other side.  

What happens?

It immediately becomes lighter.

It immediately becomes easier to carry.

Your presence is very often the BEST you can offer another.

I just wanted to share this beautiful wisdom with you today!

If you want to listen to the whole episode, the link is here.